Be Kind To Yourself
And remember, you're always worthy! Always good enough!
In this blog, Anastasia Mamlouk talks about the meaning behind her Blank Space mural, and about the process of designing and creating the art work.
Author - Anastasia Mamlouk 3rd December 2021
Be Kind to Yourself, by Anastasia Mamlouk. This is the painting Anastasia completed as part of her Blank Space residency with B arts, November 2021.
Image Description: The mural focuses on a blue butterfly, against a backdrop of British foliage (leaves, seeds and berries). The poem along the edges reads: “Grow your wings and fly away, beyond old limits that once made you stay.” The bottom of the mural text reads: ‘Stas Mamlouk. In Loving Memory of Caitlin O’Reilly, Always Worthy! Always Good Enough’
During the last 2 years I lost the ability to let my creativity flow. This was due to my mental health deteriorating from the chaos that surrounds us all.
I recognised that so many of us are struggling right now, so I wanted to use the Blank Space project, commissioned by B arts, as an opportunity to not only help myself with my own battles, but more so to uplift as many others as possible who may also be struggling. I decided to focus my mural on positive mental health awareness, in the hope that I could create a ripple effect of positivity within the community as I believe this is needed now more than ever.
The large blue butterfly that takes centre place of the mural was dedicated to and in memory of my friend Caitlin O'Reilly, as I now associate blue butterflies with her and mental health awareness. Caitlin unfortunately lost her battle with mental health in 2019 and I found the loss of my friend tremendously hard. The only thing that got me through the loss was creating art, specifically large scale paintings. This grieving process was what started my passion in painting murals.
It began when I painted a memorial for her on a wall in my house, soon after I found out the news of her death. I was living on my own at the time, feeling like I was losing my mind. I didn't know what to do with myself, so I picked up a pencil and drew a larger scale version of a drawing I had done of Caitlin as an angel the night after she died. During that process I went through a journey of healing and self exploration. I found a deeper understanding of Caitlin, and her traumas which lead her to the sad decision that she made.
A memorial to Caitlin, mural painted by Anastasia Mamlouk.
Image description: Photo of a wall mural, which features a naked woman with blue wings. There is a dog by the feet of the woman, along with bugs, insects, butterflies and flowers. The woman is wearing a crown, and is holding a flower in her left hand. The woman has a tattoo on her right arm that reads: ‘Too Precious for this world’.
Weirdly, through this journey, I found that I understood and knew her better now than I did when she was alive. This is when I realised that art is a great tool for allowing your mind to be still, in order to create space for healing. Not only is this essential for healing but it enables you to connect to hidden things that are usually drowned out by our crazy world. Life's chaos distracts us from finding inner peace and sacred knowledge that would benefit us all, however creativity creates a bridge for us to access this. I believe any form of creativity is essential for leading a happy, healthy, balanced life. So it seemed only right to dedicate my first public mural to positive mental health awareness, and of course to the memory of Cait. I know she would have advocated for this greatly. Although her death is painful to me, it has inspired me to utilise art for spreading positivity to myself, and to others through my paintings. I would rather her still be with us physically, but I also recognise that through her death, I have been inspired by her to utilise my passion and talent for the greater good.
The poem I wrote along the edges of the painting reads 'Grow your wings and fly away, beyond old limits that once made you stay.' I wrote this poem in a time I felt constrained by circumstances that were going on in my life, as well as this society which I believe wants you to be the opposite of free. I chose to include these words for my mural for a couple of reasons. Firstly, to encourage people to recognise and overcome the negativity that can consume us when we battle with our minds, which then as a result, can create a negative view of ourselves and things that surround us. It can stop us from reaching our full potential, and really cloud our view of ourselves and the world. But to instead, overcome this so we can be free to love ourselves and each other, which in turn helps us to be free flowing in life, to then be able to achieve what we wish, healing ourselves and each other along the way. Another reason for choosing these words was again for my friend Cait, and for all others who have lost their battle with mental health. As by passing on from this life, hopefully we spread our wings into the next part of our journey being released from any limitations and negativity our minds, body and physical world creates for us, so finally we can be free.
In the centre of the butterfly’s body I wrote, Be Kind To Yourself. This is also the title of this piece. I believe this message is vital for all people to be reminded of often, as I think it is often disregarded as unimportant.
This slogan is again a memorial for Caitlin and links to her brand 'The Caitlin fund' which was set up by her phenomenal mum Kay Speedman. The fund can be found at Ruff and Ruby in Hanley shopping centre. This powerful message has stuck with me since Kay first gifted me a Caitlin fund wristband, with the same message written on it. I do think we as a race, generally struggle with kindness. Some try to be kind to others but usually the ones who manage this the most are not very good at returning this kindness to themselves. People who suffer with poor mental health can view themselves as something so far from the truth. Along with social media and society teaching us to constantly compare ourselves to others, resulting in a dangerous lack of self worth. We often fall victims of trying to reach this unrealistic level of 'perfection' forgetting that our differences are what makes us all unique and work symbiotically as a species. This is why it is so important we are all reminded to BE KIND TO OURSELVES.
A behind the scenes photo of Anastasia painting the mural. Anastasia used a local creative studio, The Purple House Collective, to paint the artwork.
Image description: a photo of Anastasia painting the blue wings of the butterfly onto 4 large white boards.
The final part to my mural was the selection of different leaves, flowers, acorns and various other parts of nature which were all labelled by name. I chose to include this in my piece because not only is showing kindness and love to yourself and others a vital part of healing, so is being close and connected to nature. The life source that we came from, the thing that keeps us alive and sane is suffering greatly, and because we are a part of nature we are damaging ourselves too. The Earth is being destroyed, disregarded, and disrespected as we speak, along with countless animals and fellow humans from other parts of the world.
I strongly believe many of the problems we see today in our world have stemmed from the disconnection we have to nature. These damaging views that many of us hold, believing we are something separate or more important than the very thing that created us. In my opinion, this is foolish and is adding to an unbalanced and inharmonious way of life, perpetuating physical and mental disease. We have chosen to take and take from our earth, thinking it is an infinite resource for us to abuse, without ever considering giving back in return. We have chosen to live a consumerist way of life, always wanting more and never being truly satisfied with what we have, rather than returning back to simplicity. One of the things that affects my mental health the most is the destruction of nature, and recognising how most people do not realise how important nature really is. But what terrifies me the most is that people don't even realise that the earth will always regenerate, humans however may not and it has taken a long long time to evolve to become a species, but if we carry on living the way we are, it's going to take a fraction of that time to disappear and to become extinct. It may not be too late, and I hope we as a race can re-connect to the earth and appreciate it for what it truly is.
Just so it's not ending on all gloom and doom, I will leave you with this...
All things through darkness come to light, and if you or anyone you know is suffering right now, remind yourselves and them that everything is temporary and you will overcome this no matter how much your mind Is telling you that you won't. Talk to your loved ones and don’t suffer alone, but most importantly don’t let the B***ards grind you down.
Anastasia Mamlouk
We are currently accepting applications for 2022 Blank Space Mini Residencies.
Head to www.b-arts.org.uk/apply-blank-space to learn more about the programme and how to apply!